Featured photo shot by the brilliant @_nobodymoves.
🚨 Trigger warning: this post contains references to mental health issues. It’s also very long and painfully honest.
It’s a classic cliché that therapists become therapists because they need therapy themselves. This story’s no different. Today, I’m happy, healthy, blessed with good friends, in love, and on the way to graduating as a hypnotherapist. But you wouldn’t have to look back far to find a much less flattering picture.
In 2013, after years of travelling, I settled down in a city that I love: Brighton. Here, I found a community that welcomed me with open arms. I started a web business that combined my love of being a nerd with helping those who are most deserving. For a while, I lived the hippie dream on a farm in the South Downs.
From the outside (and through social media), I was living a charmed existence. But, as is the case for so many people, just below the surface I was miserable.
I’d suffered from depressive episodes and intrusive thoughts for as long as I could remember. My confidence was low. My social anxiety was sky-high. Being in company involved the mammoth task of putting on a brave face, one I usually accomplished with a stiff drink in my hand. I was burned out. My business was doing well but my energy levels couldn’t keep up. From time to time, the stress manifested as crippling migraines. At its worse, I’d stay in bed for days, unable to face the world. My low moods would be compounded by guilt and shame: “Why can’t I just be grateful & happy?” It was relentless and inexplicable.
Finally, the weight of this misery came crashing down and I sought help. At first it was CBT, then psychoanalysis, life coaching, and counselling. I credit my therapists with helping me understand the “why” of how I was feeling. But after more than 6 years and thousands of pounds, I may have been wiser but I wasn’t feeling much better for it. I felt a massive gap between knowing the “why” and the “what do I do about it?”
One day, when I’d just hit a new low, I crawled out of bed to go for a walk along the seafront. That’s when I bumped into an old friend, a hypnotherapist. She’d gently offered to help me in the past, but back then, all I knew about hypnosis was what I’d learned from Darren Brown and Little Britain. In my mind, it was all pseudo-science baloney. But my desperation was greater than my scepticism. “What have got I have to lose?” And so I booked in.
Honestly, the first session left me a little underwhelmed. Despite my initial hesitation, I’d got my hopes up and believed just maybe I’d come out of trance miraculously “fixed”. However, as my friend explained the neuroscience of what we were doing, my brain latched on to every word. I stuck with it.
Little by little, I couldn’t help noticing changes. Small things at first. I was going to bed at a decent time. I had more energy to do stuff. My flat was oddly tidy. I was eating foods that made me feel good. I got my life admin in order. Being around people felt easier. Then, bigger shifts started to happen. I was showing up in my business with zest and purpose. Clients were raving about my work and I got new referrals. The intrusive thoughts got quieter until, one day, I realised they’d gone completely silent. I had so much space in my mind to feng shui as I pleased. Meeting up with people became effortless. I got tickets to go to a festival, something I’d been avoiding for years. I cut back on drinking without meaning to. I started using that gym membership I was paying for. Above all, I felt a deep sense of confidence in myself like I’d never experienced. I went on a date… and met the love of my life.
In our sessions, my hypnotherapist would always ask how I was feeling out of 10. By our sixth session, I could hardly wait to tell her: “It’s happened! I’m a 10!” I couldn’t believe that, in less than two months, I’d achieved what other forms of therapy hadn’t been able to do for me in 6 years. By session eight, we parted ways. I’ve felt better ever since.
When I reflect on how much richer my life is today, I thank my past self for hanging in there and going for a seafront stroll that day. In the spirit of being BS-free, I’m not claiming that I live life constantly at a 10 and nothing hard ever happens. Yesterday, for example, my laptop decided to have a meltdown – and I almost did too. But within minutes, I’d assessed the damage and booked to have it fixed. Crisis averted. And here we are.
We can only connect the dots looking backwards. And so, looking backwards, the story I tell myself is that I’ve experienced the cost of anxiety and depression in a person’s life. I spent many years in a process of trial-and-error, seeking a solution that worked for me – until I found it.
Within a few months of completing my own treatment, I was sitting in a classroom, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready for my first day of Solution Focused Hypnotherapy training.
I’ve had the honour of working with dozens of wonderful clients. Even as a student, I witnessed how this powerful therapeutic tool can help people tap into their inner resources, shifting from feeling overwhelmed and stuck to being their own version of 10.
When it came to naming my practice, I chose 10 Hypnotherapy – because I hope everyone can experience the joy of meeting the best version of themselves, the one that feels like a 10. If this fool was able to do it, I truly believe anyone can.
